apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
