and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So gin and wine won't be happening again
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
