In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
