it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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