We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
