Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
