Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
