There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
