can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
