how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
