OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
