I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
