just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'd cum for enchiladas.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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