This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
