K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
