You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
