i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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