he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Vodka?
Forever.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
