Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
