I'm gonna have a badass scar
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
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