her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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