I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
