i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
