If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize