I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
