did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
