so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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