I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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