I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
