Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
