Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
