Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
