youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
