I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You can't motorboat a personality
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
