We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
