Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize