Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
