He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It was confusing and full of hummus
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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