The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
