11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
