it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
