Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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