im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize