I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
