Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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