I feel like I'm in dance class right now
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
