i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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