just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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