RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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