Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
