I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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