my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
