all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
