there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
