Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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