Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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