nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
