she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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