I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
