When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
