I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
