Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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