pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
