Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
