Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
