we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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