super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
