dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
