he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
