he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
