guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
