I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
