i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
